31 Everydays of October

2nd......
    You know how "they" say "everything happens for a reason"? I'm not gonna lie, i want to punch  'those people" in the throat. There are a series of unfortunate events that led to such an amazing story and i want to share it with you.
      This summer has been a very busy season for me and filled with more "man" work than quiet possibly any other year thus far. I have felt like the things that need done because of this, that or the other are continually leaving me feeling like my time is not my own and because of that my hours feel hijacked. All of that is just to give you an idea of where i have been.
    i am going to back up just a bit to last May when i added four of the most beautiful Alpacas to my farm. Three of them are Siris and one was a Haucaya. i was so excited to add such beautiful fleeces to the fiber side of my farm. A few short weeks ago my young haucaya died in my arms. It was terrible, and the worst part is i still don't understand why. This event has left me feeling so responsible and neglectful.......but hey..you know what they say {insert throat punch here}
   Consequently over the next few days i was reading everything i could to pinpoint what exactly happened to her. One day i decided to pull up craigslist and search for some local Alpacas, not in an attempt to replace her but to ask them if they ever experienced my situation. Honestly everyday that passed i was so afraid another one would die.
   Interestingly enough i did see a listing, so i called and it became one of the most heart wrenching phone calls i have ever made and it sure did put my quest for answers to a screeching halt because i was suddenly filled with so many more questions.
   I visited with this stranger, this man for 2 hours the first call.  You see he had just brought his wife of 32 years home to die.
   Sadness, sympathy and empathy wrapped in a deep connection filled the void between us. As he went on to tell me their story and of  her deep love for fiber, animals, crocheting, sewing and gardening. About their times together raising Alpacas and at one point they had a fiber farm of 250 head of sheep! He told me of journeys they made to show animals or fleeces she had spun and dyed and ribbons won. As he went on and one telling me about his 61 year old wife i couldn't help feeling like he could have been talking about me. I spend a lot of my time feeling like no one gets me, no one understands. i often feel like i don't belong, as if i am a complicated puzzle piece thrown in a box that i wont ever fit in. To feel accepted as i am, to connect to these people was so much to me. My heart was so drawn to these people and their life together, i felt such a kindred grip. i had so many questions for them, and more importantly i wish i had known them forever.
   I told I'm what happened to my Alpaca, i told him about my farm and my dreams, i told him about my yarn obsession and the heritage that it came from. When we got off the phone and he talked to his bride about me, and i hung up the phone feeling so sad for them......but you know what they say.
       He called me back and he said the parallels that can be drawn between my wife and you are just far to apparent to ignore, and we think that everything happens for a reason and my wife wants you to have her Alpacas and she will be at peace knowing that her animals will be loved by you and that somehow part of her will live on through you.
      Crash, my heart fell to the floor, humility rose right to my throat and salt betrayed my eyes.
How strong are they to face this mortality, this finite ending, believing that my alpaca died so i could find them, so that she can leave this world feeling like she left a piece of her to be carried on, knowing her babies would be mine and i would take care of them. Yeah i know what you are thinking...it is just farm animals and maybe they are to you, but not to her and not to me. I will always remember her kindness, her fingerprints on my heart, i will tell her story and i will think of her often.
   I brought her boys home to my farm, and he husband said "I bet you thought we were backwoods Waldron hicks that didn't know the value in the animals we had." "No Sir, i was just looking for answers and i didn't even fully understand my questions."
    So "hick" names they did not get however i did crown them with proper English names since that is where her connection and mine lead back too. My Alpaca flock doubled and i will enjoy winning over the hearts of Edward, Bennett and William.





                                                                         Everyday Farmgirl